Apologies in advance for a long first post, but its been all building up for 21 years now...Enjoy!
I think all of us at some point have look back at our lives and said "I should've done this...I would've done this...I could've done this". That's the point I'm at right now -- yes, right at this very moment, while I sit at work staring at a 10K and try to figure out where this term loan came from. How did this shoulda-woulda-coulda phase (lets hope its just a phase) start? Well, I just graduated college a few months ago, my parents are still paying of thousands of dollars in loans, and I'm working a temporary job in the middle of nowhere. Its literally in the middle of nowhere - they have to provide us with food here because there isn't a restaurant for miles.
So if you're reading this (I like to pretend someone cares about my life), you'd probably like to reach through your computer screen, shake me, and tell me "HEY! AT LEAST YOU HAVE A JOB!!". -- You're right and I completely agree with you, I have a job. Thats the problem - its a job, not a career, not a lifelong goal or passion, but merely a job. That's where this whole shoulda-woulda-coulda sprung up from.
The Shoulda
The shoulda has nothing to do with career, jobs, or the economy that has failed us all. It has to do with a failed relationship - a relationship that has been over for 2 years now. It's probably one I wouldn't get back into if I was asked to, but it's one I still think about and would like to share with you. This relationship is one of those "high school sweetheart" types - I met my ex at a summer program back in 2004. We both went to different high schools and with my super conservative parents, it was hard for us to have a "normal" relationship, but somehow we managed. I think all the credit goes to him ( a him that will remain unnamed ) actually - he just dealt with my overprotective family life, my jealousy towards all his female friends, and my competitive attidue when we sat through the same college courses. I guess all good things must come to an end at some point and 2.5 years later this one did.
I shoulda been a better girlfriend.
The Woulda
How does an Indian girl who announced at her dance graduation to 1000 people that she was going to be a radiologist end up working as a Fixed Income Consultant? I applied to colleges 3.5 years ago and declared my major as Biology/Pre-med my first year at school in Boston. I took all those first year science courses, attended all my labs, and studied for my exams. Despite the desire to one day become an ER doctor (not because of the show, but because of actual experience working in the ER), I quickly let my dream die. I went from being a nerdy, science geek to someoen who wanted to make millions working for an investment bank - I become an Economics major. My economic classes were great, the professors were outstanding, and my diploma hangs proudly with my mom's expensive china. Do I regret switching majors - no, of course not *Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted*. Did I give up on a dream without a fight? Yes I did. Do I regret that? Most definitely.
I woulda been in med school by now.
The Coulda
Where was I 1 year ago? Boston. Where was I 2 months ago? London. Where was I 6 weeks ago? Chicago. Where am I now? New Jersey.
I dont move around as often as it looks. I was in Boston for my undergrad education and in London for a study abroad program, but Chicago and New Jersey is where lies the problem. My move to Chicago was decided on a whim. I knew if I worked in NYC, I would be living at home. San Francisco was too far away from my family on the east coast. The south? -- I get more of laid back feel from the south. So, I looked at a map of the United States of America and chose...the windy city of Chicago. Had I been there before? No. Did I know anyone there? No. Did I have a job there? No. So, I applied to a few positions, interviewed for a small percentage of those, and got hired for one. Super excited about a life on my own, I leased an apartment in a high rise downtown. I even got accepted to a great program at a top 5 school! Everything seems picture perfect right? Well, idiot me moves out to Chicago and gets scared! Scared of being in the real world, scared of being on my own, scared of having to pay bills. I call up mommy and daddy and beg them to take me back - and like good parents, they do. So, now I'm in NJ, living at home once again. Kind of ironic isn't it? I decided on Chicago so I wouldn't have to live at home, but that's where I live now. Lesson learned, I guess. Now it's the battle of getting them to let me move back. Pray for me, I need all the help I can get.
I coulda been a Bears fan. (ummm, ok, that would never happen - Giants all the way!)
In conclusion, I shoulda-woulda-coulda had the perfect life.
I shall, I can, and therefore, I will - J
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